I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
