the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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