I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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