paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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