dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
