brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
