i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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