I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize