Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
