It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
