She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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