come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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