Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
