I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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