Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
someone owes me an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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