i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
