You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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