Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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