Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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