remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
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