If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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