It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
