Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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