She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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