Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
