oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
