Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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