did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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