My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
