so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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