I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
