I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
