I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Randomize
