When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
