Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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