its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She's the barista slut.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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