I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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