She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
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I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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