unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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