The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
