My first STD was from a foam party
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."