Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
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how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
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It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings