if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
im about as happy as oj after his trial
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...