i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize