I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
