To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There's always time for handjobs
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
