I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
