So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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