hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
