dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
