PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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