imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
