He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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