what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
