dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
