I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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