Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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