If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I smell like Dick and happiness
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
