shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
