He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
